I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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