I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
