grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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