Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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