oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
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