Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
