we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
