meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
