I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
