yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
