i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
