What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
