I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
