whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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