i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
