you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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