Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize