I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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