I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
