we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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