Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got inside last night via doggy door
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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