I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
