call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
