Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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