And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
