Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You're like the curious george of whores
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
