when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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