I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
