How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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