No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
