I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
