If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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