he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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