They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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