So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize