The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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