Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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