Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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