Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i love accidental penises.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
