i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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