my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dignity is for republicans.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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