He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
