Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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