apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
