Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
