Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
