You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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