My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
