Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Houston, we have a blender
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A bitchslap is in order.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
