Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize