Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
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