hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
