rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
