I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize