I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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