just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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