What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize