Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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