So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just pee around me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
