matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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