Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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