Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
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