U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
