I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
