I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
