What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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