it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
