he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
