@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
