Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
