Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
