I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize