i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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