saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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