i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
