Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
