everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They have beer where we have blood.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
