Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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