Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
