I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
this just has baby written all over it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
