Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
